Young and Naive Visions of Utopia

Last night as I went to bed, a thought drifted into my mind: the etymology of the word animal. It comes from the Latin anima, which also means ‘soul’. Right there, within the very language we use, lies the evidence that the soul resides within the animal.

I have a soul, and I know that as a living and breathing soul, I would not wish to experience murder, to have my physical body used, my children taken away.

Since eating meat again after four years of being plant-based, this question has only grown louder inside me. It is a facet of myself I cannot quite justify, cannot quite face. In some ways, I feel the principles I once held so ferociously, and lived by, have begun to erode. Logic leads me to the conclusion that it is not ethical to eat the flesh of another animal, and yet, I do. I eat meat for pleasure, yes, but also because I thought it might bring health benefits; that it would give me a kind of freedom, that I would no longer need to be so puritan and rule-bound around food. To eat what I desired.

I ask myself: is it good for my spiritual health? To be conscious of cruelty and malpractice, yet still endorse it?

I find myself in this quiet battle. How can I do this when I know it is not right?

There are moments when I feel as though I am betraying the animals of this world: those that live under cruelty and torture. Some might call that thought dramatic, but it is true, and we all know it, even if we choose to look away. I at least know it. I see a cow and I do not want to kill it.

It is one of those strange dichotomies in life that I cannot quite wrap my head around. Logic leads me one way; desire pulls me another. The arguments that try to justify meat-eating rarely hold up to reason. They are built on pleasure; which, of course, I understand, but which in my opinion is not enough.

In this chapter in my life I try to take things less seriously. Yet there are real consequences to our actions and that, I cannot escape.

I used to dream of a utopia: a paradise so far removed from today’s reality. It is impossible to fathom a world where factory farming does not exist, where humans truly learn to respect animals, the Earth, and all that surrounds us.

This was the perspective I used to hold and all I could see was gloom. I was repulsed by cities, by skyscrapers and construction that trampled the Earth and choked nature. But it feels as though too much has happened; that this concrete life is irreversible. Another dire dichotomy that the humans of our age must come face to face with.

I reached a point in my journey where I felt hopeless; where holding onto innocent, idealistic views felt naïve; as though they would never get me anywhere. Yet now, having loosened my grip on those ideals, I feel somewhat at a loss with the world, as though I should still be holding on tight, still trying to fight for something better. Whether I do or not, I do not think this sadness shall ever leave me.